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Making Long Distance Relationships and Marriages Work

Making Long Distance Relationships and Marriages Work

All you need is love. That is what the films and songs say, but what happens when your love or whole family is living hundreds, or even thousands of miles away in another country.

As the world is getting smaller, thanks mainly to social media and cheaper / more convenient air travel, it seems that more and more of us having long distance relationships before and in marriage. There are millions of people who are involved with long distance relationships, despite the preconceived notion that they just don’t work.

If you are one of the many millions of people who feel lonely right now because the love of your life (and perhaps children) are far away, console yourself with the thought that long distance relationships and marriages can, and do work. Some people have chosen to be in long distance relationships, while others are in the situation due to work commitments or financial reasons. This is prevalent across many know “expat cities” and “expat countries.” It is reported that there are at least 10 million people worldwide that are involved with long distance relationships of some sort. Thought you were the only person facing the challenges a long distance relationship can bring? Think again, I speak to many and below I have outlined some success secrets for you from those I have had the privilege to work with

  1. Share the travelling

Where possible share some of the travelling. Travelling takes up a lot of time and is exhausting for the traveler. Not to mention the cost if you are not married or sharing expenses. I have worked with several married expats who fly over 7 hours for a weekend every 4 or 5 weeks, they are wiped out by the time they get there, so if you have the option to share do so, so that neither of you get fed up.

  1. Plan enjoyable activities you have energy for

Alex was furious because every time he flew home he was greeted with a list of household chores to do, from fixing cars & bikes, painting rooms, putting up shelves, the list was never ending. His wife even promised that he would jobs for her sister and friend. This made him mad. After a hard week at work and the usual tiring air commute (packing, taxi, passport control, flight etc. ) he barely had the energy to watch a film, let alone get stuck into DIY. He felt like his wife no longer cared for, or was interested in him, she just wanted jobs done and his money. This is not uncommon, Nina another lady I worked with told me every time she stayed with her boyfriend she would spend the first 4 hours cleaning, as she couldn’t stand the mess. In both cases intimacy and affection was destroyed, as frustration set the mood for their time together. So think about the traveler and their energy levels when you plan activities. Don’t greet them with a “to do list” or hectic night out the first night they arrive, cook a romantic dinner or order a take out, so you can both relax and unwind, preferably alone.

  1. Ensure you have alone time but don’t isolate

Peter has lived away from his family for many years. Jobs at his level and salary are just not available in the UK. His wife has always refused to join him, arguing she and the children are settled. In the past 10 years, they have only had 1 full year together. Peter came to me to discuss whether his marriage was over or could be saved. I never judge or give my opinion on this matter, but I do help individuals and couples gain clarity on their most important emotional needs and help them establish whether their needs can and will be met by staying. We also review the relationship (highs and lows) to determine actions or discussion points to create positive change. One thing Peter found frustrating was that they never had any alone time. The children 9, 11 and 14 were with them all day and in the evenings his wife Susan went out. She saw his trips back home as an opportunity to put herself first, to see friends and do activities she couldn’t normally do being a full time mum. Peter was hurt she wouldn’t move out to be with him and hurt she went out when he came home, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to argue in the little time they had together. All relationships need some “together alone time” otherwise important needs such as affection and intimacy will not be met.

The reason I mention not to isolate is because some couples do the reverse and lock themselves in together and this can cause problems too. When Yusuf got a new job in Saudi Arabia, he flew home every 2 weeks. As husband and wife they felt that they ought to spend the 48 hours they had only with each other. This caused frustration for them both, as they turned down friends and things they used to enjoy. Boredom became a real issue, as they just stayed in together every weekend. Yusuf called me because he was concerned his frustration and boredom meant he had fallen out of love. After our chat he spoke to his wife and they started doing different activities, since then they have more appreciation for their alone time and their bond has become stronger.

  1. Be as open and honest as possible

Whilst apart keep the relationship alive by being open and honest about everything you are thinking, feeling and doing. Sharing your daily schedule, thoughts, plans builds trust. Trust is key for a long distance relationship. Without it, you may wonder what the other person is doing while you are not there or even doubt there fidelity to you. If you leave out information the quality time that you spend together on the end of a telephone line can quickly end up in mind games, destroying the small amount of time you do get to be close together. You do not have the luxury that “normal” couples have to make up, so making the most of this quality time should be top of your agenda. If the wonders do start creeping up on you, remember that your relationship is built on trust, love and respect.

  1. Agree regular communication

Jealousy can also come without regular communication. We’ve all been there… they don’t phone when they say they will and straight away your mind starts wandering… are they with someone else or can they not be bothered to speak to me, etc.? In order to avoid this, agree that you will phone, message, or email at least once a day. If you want this relationship to work, you need to feel like you are in a “regular” marriage and relationship, one where if you want to offload your troubles/share your news for the day, you know that he/she is there for you. If jealousy is an issue contact me I have a simple 2 session program that helps shift your mindset.

  1. Use a webcam or Skype whenever possible

Whilst this cannot compensate for actually being with someone, it’s a great way to keep in touch whilst you’re apart. The fact that you can see each other and are giving each other undivided attention is important. It is all too easy to be on the phone, whilst engaging in other activities such as watching TV, reading your emails / social media updates, driving, shopping, cooking etc. I have to admit, I am guilty of this one myself as I am always trying to do 3 things at once. But you can tell when someone is not fully listening and their attention is elsewhere. It is hurtful and frustrating for the person talking and can destroy communication. Good communication is the key to strengthen and keep your relationship a light whilst apart.

  1. Turn the away time into a positive

Don’t spend every night you’re not together wishing time away. Make the most of your independence (whilst still having a relationship) by learning a new skill, developing your career or business idea, socializing with friends, going to the gym or simply pampering yourself.

  1. Ensure you have a common goal

This is probably the most important one of all. If you are apart you need to have a reason and common purpose /goal for the future. A plan that you both value and are working together towards. For example you are living apart, so that you can have enough money to; put your children through private school, have a great retirement, get out of debt, look after family, buy your dream home, finish education, develop your career. Without a shared purpose or goal for the future, it is harder to keep the relationship alive.

Concluding thoughts

Like any relationship, long distance relationships before, and in marriage require effort for them to succeed. Communication, trust, and honesty will strengthen your relationship whilst you’re apart. Working towards a common goal and ensuring you have time for just the two of you is also crucial. Love is never easy and should never be taken for granted as enough to make a relationship work. Whilst long distance relationships and marriages can be difficult, they can work and do work for many couples if both parties put in the effort.

I would love for you to share your tips to help more people post them below or send them to me anonymously to me and I will post them.

Hope this is of value to you or someone you know, from my heart to yours

Keeping Your Long Distance Relationship

Keeping Your Long Distance Relationship

A number of people feel that long distance relationships rarely work. However, some oppose this idea and show that it is conceivable to experience a healthy romantic relationship even if thousands of miles separate a couple. If both you and your other half understand what your relationship is all about and are happy to develop it, it will be possible to keep your long distance relationship alive.

Here are some tips to sustain your long distance relationship.

Establish your type of long distance relationship: It is crucial for both of you to establish the level of commitment to your long distance relationship. That way, neither of you is going to be surprised by the other person’s behaviors within your relationship.

Make good use of the telephone: Simply put, talk a lot. When you’re thinking of communicating with your partner on the phone very little should be an issue. This is certainly probably the most beneficial factors for a long distance relationship to grow. Besides the telephone, you can make use of computer software to communicate with your significant other.

Take advantage of additional communication methods: On occasion, people have a lot of duties which will make communicating with a loved one challenging sometimes. With communication in between a long distance couple being essential in order to keep your relationship alive, you can find alternatives to the phone you can use. Make use of e-mail to allow your partner to know they are in your mind even if you are too occupied to make a call. Chat programs such as MSN Messenger or Yahoo! Messenger can also be an excellent option because you can have them in your mobile phone and chat whenever you have time.

Do not be jealous: It is difficult not to feel insecurity when you find yourself involved in an LDR. Even so, you need to fight against those feelings of insecurity, or else it is going to get the best of you and may lead to the end of your relationship. Among the most efficient ways to prevent jealousy would be to communicate to each other how your days and nights go by. Talk about your activities and family and friends, what your ideas are and what have you been doing. Allowing each other into your own everyday life will certainly strengthen your trust in each other and enable you to keep the LDR growing.

Always be really romantic: Both you and your lover should make an added effort to maintain your love alive regardless of not being in each other’s presence at all times. Romantic gestures will certainly remind your loved one just how much he or she really means to you. Nearly every romantic idea you might have works well inside a long distance relationship. There aren’t any little details in terms of maintaining a long distance relationship alive.

Always be understanding: Given the fact that both you and your significant other are in different places, it is perfectly normal to carry on with your life in your respective towns. You don’t have to take it personally when there is a change of plans. It’s good for the two of you to be understanding of the other person.

You might have noticed that every one of these points apply to just about any relationship, but their significance is multiplied in a LDR. It all will depend on your willingness to follow these basic tips to be ready to keep your long distance relationship going strong.

Sex Tips for Long Distance Lovers

Sex Tips for Long Distance Lovers

Some men can’t seem to find love, or even just a lover, in their current location. Frustratingly, they may find a potential partner who happens to be halfway around the world, or otherwise distant. Whether wanting a committed relationship or not, long-distance would-be sexual partners can engage in some pretty hot action together that defies the limits of space and allows for a surprising level of intimacy. When pursuing sexy conversation with someone far away, there are several things to keep in mind, including whether visual materials will be exchanged (in which case proper penis care is all-important) and where one’s boundaries lie. The following long-distance sex tips will help men navigate this exciting world.

1) Discuss Options

When pursuing something sexual with somebody far away, you have many options, from different kinds of sexy talk to the transmission of photos and videos.

Some partners will enjoy talking about what they’d like to do to one another, either in the moment or in the future, and be content to stop there. They can build a “sex story” together; one can say what he or she wants, and the other can add in what he or she wants. This exchange can last for quite some time, and the individuals involved learn a lot about what the other likes.

Some partners want to see one another and show themselves in a variety of poses and states of undress. If this is so, it’s a good idea to ask the other what he or she would like to see.

2) Establish Boundaries

There are some types of dirty talk that some people are not comfortable with. Some people like to be called derogatory names, for example, while others don’t like that at all. Some people like to be dominated; some like to be dominant. Establish boundaries around the level of dirty talk to be engaged in.

It’s also important to establish physical boundaries, even though the two partners are not actually doing things physically to one another. First, consider that it’s possible that there will be an actual encounter in person sometime. But even aside from that, it can be uncomfortable or frightening to read about something being done to one’s body that one wouldn’t like, not to mention unsexy. It’s a good idea to define one’s boundaries, then, noting anything he or she doesn’t like, such as rough stuff, biting, name-calling, etc.

Also establish boundaries for any visual materials that may be exchanged. Don’t just fire off a dick pic or an intense masturbation video without knowing that one’s partner wants to see such a thing.

3) Temper Expectations

Sometimes, partners whose interactions have been solely or primarily online or via text may find the opportunity to be together in person. This is very exciting, but it’s important not to expect every single thing the two talked about doing at once. The two may have discussed myriad activities in the stories they developed, but one can’t expect to have 12 orgasms and the assumption of 15 of their favorite positions all in one night. If that happens – great! But both should enter the encounter with the expressed acknowledgement that there is no pressure to “live up” to the ideal stories they told.

4) Be Smart

When sending sexual photos or videos of oneself over the computer, phone or other device, it’s wise to keep one’s face out of it. Even if you trust the recipient of your precious visual gift, it’s still possible that somebody else could access a device, hack an email address, etc. and be indiscreet with the material. One can only truly protect oneself by keeping his or her face out of it.

Love Letter Tips For Long Distance Relationships

Love Letter Tips For Long Distance Relationships

People enter in long distance relationships for a variety of reasons, but the three main reasons are because of work, school, or military deployment. We all can agree that no matter the reason, long distance relationships are difficult and without proper communication between you and your partner it will be even more so.

When you write your love letter, as explained in Part I, you should include lots of detail. This requires a dictionary, or you can type words you know and view the synonym in Microsoft Word. Using words that you would not normally use makes the letter more magical and meaningful to your partner. Instead of saying “I feel so good around you,” try: “When I am in your presence my senses are overwhelmed with pleasure.”

These techniques only require a little imagination and a dictionary. I guarantee that if you transform your normal vocabulary into something heart-felt you will touch the heart of your partner.
I am including some examples of love letters that I have written below to give you some ideas of what you could write:

Today, like every day, I woke up thinking about you and our love – then I looked at our picture and felt the happiness these things bring.

I know I don’t tell you enough, but you’re absolutely wonderful. I really wish I could find a word that best describes you – but I can’t. You’re just amazing. I love you for being the crazy beautiful person that you are.

I sit here just thinking of you, me, us – and the wonderful times we have ahead of us. We give each other the strength, courage, and endurance to face any challenge through the wonderful bond of love we share.

These are a few examples of what you can write to make the eyes of your loved one light up and truly feel the love you have for them in a letter. Words are powerful things, and you can use them to your advantage. I urge you to write your love letters physically and not in an e-mail.

Being able to touch the letter that you yourself have written is something your partner will enjoy. I keep a box of the letters that I have received from my partner and when I am feeling lonely I take them out and read them. It’s an amazing feeling to know that your partner is feeling the same way, because you feel so connected even 5000 miles away.

If you start having “writers block” as soon as you grab a pen and paper, just relax. Instead of having the intent to write a letter, just sit down and look at some photos or videos of you and your partner. Write down single words, feelings, funny things you remember saying or doing and start from there. This will get your creative juices flowing, and it will be much easier to write your love letter from there.

5 Tips For Successful Long Distance Relationships

5 Tips For Successful Long Distance Relationships

With the mushrooming of online dating sites where you will probably meet (and even fall in love) with a man who lives far away from you then the issue of long distance relationships becomes a concern for you. You wonder how you can successfully date over such a distance and what you can do to make sure that your relationship works. What are the tips for long distance relationships?

  1. Discuss your expectations. For any relationship to work you have to come to an understanding of what you are both giving and getting from the relationship. Is your long distance boyfriend allowed to casually date other women but tell you about them or is he supposed to date only you? Is he to be faithful to you and what does that faithfulness entail? As clearly as possible define what it is that you expect from him as nothing breaks a relationship like mismatched expectations that nobody talks about.
  2. Live life to the full. It is tempting to put your life on hold and just focus on him but you must continue living life on the full lane. Have a healthy interest in your hobbies and in improving yourself so that you are not always sitting at home missing your faraway boyfriend.

iii. Keep the negativity down. Long distance relationships require that the time you do spend together online or on the phone is memorable and positive. This does not mean that you pretend that all is well but it does mean that you want him to look forward to spending time with you and if all you say is negative then he will lose interest in you as a way of dealing with your negativity.

  1. Be yourself! Yes you may be tempted to Photoshop your whole life or to tell him things that are not totally true but if you want a long distance relationship that has a future then refrain from the lies. You don’t have to tell him all your faults (he will discover them soon enough) but don’t tell blatant lies either. Be as authentic as you possibly can be.
  2. Discuss THE deal breakers. For a long distance relationship to work then you must discuss what you both cannot tolerate in a each other and from each other so that you know where the relationship barriers are. This will let you decide if this is a price that you are willing to pay for this romance.

Long distance relationships have peculiar challenges that must be dealt with upfront so that you don’t waste each other’s time.

Stop Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Stop Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

From our early teens we all have our own idea of what love is; the one thing that is not in conflict is everyone begins searching for it. Is there a method to the madness of chasing something that for many seems elusive? Are you one of those people who always seem to feel you have somehow landed or fallen for the wrong person, leaving you on the hurting end of love? There are some guidelines that do more than make sense.

1) If you don’t want a partner who drinks or parties, don’t go to a bar, nightclub or racy party to meet one. Confine your serious search to workplaces, local gatherings, restaurants and other random opportunities.

2) If cheaters don’t appeal to you, refuse to be involved with anyone who is cheating on someone else to be with you. If you attempt to fool yourself into believing they love you too much to do that, understand that is what their current partner thought. Cheaters cheat.

3) Hate deceitful people? Don’t gloss over untruthful statements your partner is inclined to make. They are not small white lies or offered for entertainment. They are lies. Liars lie. If you find yourself telling your friends your partner always tells you something that turns out to be less than truthful, you’re dating a liar.

4) Feel like you are being treated like you are second class? Accepting behavior that is less than caring and respectful is construed as your agreement to be treated as less than the King or Queen you deserve to be in your relationship. Never accept the idea that you are lucky to have your partner and therefore will tolerate less than you deserve. No one belongs on a pedestal that high. Find someone who meets you on equal ground and loves who you are.

5) Don’t settle for any long-term relationship with a person who is not capable and intent on seeing the very best in you and helping you see the same. Find someone you feel the same way about. Couples who uplift each other contribute to one another’s happiness and create lasting relationships.

One last thing; if you pay attention to people they will tell you who they are. People often voice their own weaknesses by stating how much they hate that attribute in others. They hate the reflection of their own weakness projected back at them.

People who are mistrustful may be less than trustworthy. We all judge our expectations of others by what we would do in a similar situation. Want to know if they will lie, steal or cheat? Listen to their assessment of the behavior they expect from someone else in a situation that would promote those things!

Tips For Long Distance Relationships

Tips For Long Distance Relationships

Long Distance Relationships work
When couples are separated geographically by a big distance it’s said that they are having a long distance relationship. There is a common belief that long distance relationships don’t work and while I am not completely against that belief, still I am not completely with it. The aim of this article is not to prove whether long distance relationships work or not, but its aim is to explain the problems that sometimes accompany long distance relationships from a psychological view point so that you could avoid these problems.

The Problem with Long Distance Relationships
In the psychology of convincing article I mentioned how the subconscious mind can be convinced to believe in something through repetition. The rule is simple,If you kept repeating a belief over and over you may eventually believe in it.

This rule works in relationships too; the more you see your partner the more you will become convinced that you will always be together (on the condition that you really love each other).
The problem with long distance relationships is that the couple don’t see each other for long periods of time to the extent that they sometimes experience weird feelings when they meet again. In this case both of them slowly lose intimacy and end up with separation.

The internet & Long distance Relationships
When the relationship starts through the internet without the couple seeing each other the problem becomes even bigger. Some relationships become solely based on the internet to the extent that each one of them doesn’t know how the other looks like. They fall in love, suffer from pain and even become depressed on break-ups without even seeing each other.

The biggest problem with an internet based relationship is that when the couple meet or see each other in the real world they may discover that they have made the completely wrong choice. This happens because of the violation of the subconscious criteria, which is a criterion each one has for his future partner. Since this criteria can’t be verified trough the internet the result is the termination of the relationship soon after the first meeting.

The internet is a good method to maintain your long distance relationship that already started when you were physically located together but it’s not a good place to start a new relationship.
Long distance Relationships Tips

If you want to maintain your long distance relationship you should stick to the following practices:

* See each other whenever you can, this prevents loss of intimacy

* Use a webcam instead of ordinary chatting

* Inform each other about every single event that is taking place in your lives

* Make sure that the long distance relationship is going to be a temporary and short period

* Make clear plans to live together as soon as you can

International Dating Secrets From Legendary Lovers

International Dating Secrets From Legendary Lovers

International dating scares some people because they fear getting stuck in a boring long distance relationship. Maybe you know you want to meet a foreign woman or foreign man but are not sure you are ready for marriage. Perhaps you have considered dating someone from another country while both of you continue living in your own land… but you would hate to have a lame relationship… just for the sake of being in one. Here are some expert tips from legendary lovers skilled in the art of international romance to help you keep the fires roaring… even when you are separated by thousands of miles of land and sea.

5- Tips From Legendary Lovers For Exciting Long Distance Love Affairs

  1. Plan ahead, even weeks in advance if necessary, to share in a quiet web cam date. Prepare a dinner, pick a movie or break out an old school board game you both enjoy. Plan to spend several hours alone, together over a web cam with no interruptions. Few things really say I Love You like taking the time to prepare a meal or block out time to share in conversation, laughter and time alone.
  2. Find little details that let your love know you have been thinking of them and you care for their needs. You can make cards or write them letters. Send meaningful gifts, or crafts you made or bought.  Pick something they will find special and send it via international postal delivery. You can create a slide show, digital album, sweet or funny videos and even a music mix of songs that express how much this person means to you.
  3. If you have a long day take 15 minutes and send your sweetheart a quick email or chat message. Let your relationship be like a spectacular garden of roses, the beauty grows with a little daily attention.
  4. Be excited and happy to see each other on line or when you receive a message. A relationship filled daily with some ecstasy erases the rough parts of the physical distance. Be bold and creative in uplifting each other’s spirits. Be sympathetic if your partner at times feels sad by the distance and be kind on yourself and your relationship when you feel the same sadness. Always leave things on a high note.
  5. Take each day to maintain part of the relationship in order. Do not let things become routine or boring. Take interest in what affects your lovers life. Make sure you share in each others passions and support one another. The Internet today has reduced the illusion of time and space. You can use online voice calls, free video, email, chat and much more to keep a constant bounce and shine to your international relationship.

International dating is very exciting and full of possibilities. Take your time and be sure to travel as often as you can to be with the love of your life or have them come visit you. After all the point of a relationship is to spend time at each others side.

Use the Internet to smash the barriers between you and be sure when you do see each other face-to-face the encounter is as romantic and enchanting as possible for both of you. You never know how long it will be till you are both in each other’s arms again.

Carlos Duran is a professional researcher and writer raised between New Jersey and New York during the crack era of the late 80’s and 90’s. He developed a passion for foreign women early in life. Carlos is inspired to help others find love and their soul-mate over the internet

How to Maintain Your Relationship With Sex

How to Maintain Your Relationship With Sex

People that build a relationship with someone they are interested will always think about sex or at least want to do it. In addition, there is the common fact that you cannot maintain your relationship with the person with no sex. On the other hand, you also cannot maintain your relationship without powerful sex.

There are some tips you can apply to make a great sexual life so you can keep your relationship with the one last long time. You have to show and communicate your feeling to your significant others, not only in words but also in verbal appreciation. By this way, you are caring about the needs and wants of your love.

The next step to make your lovemaking become the most important in your relationship is just playing around and doing things together to get fun. Do not wait until the amazing come to you because it needs long time, so both of you should come toward and make it. Doing something together also helps you to know each other, and then you create that intimate become deeper.

When it comes for both of you to make love, you should do make yourself and your partner in a good mood. The mood of happy will help you to make the ritual become a nice bedroom intercourse rather than a war. You will realize that sex is an intercourse that makes you feel good regarding yourself and your relationship.

Expressing your respect to your partner will help you build a valuable intercourse and keep your relationship. Pay attention to your partner while she or he is talking and try to give thoughtful reactions. It does not mean that you should agree and follow her or his mind, but when you understand what he or she said, your relationship is going well and fulfill what you try to look for.

How to Maintain a Relationship

How to Maintain a Relationship

Most couples struggle to keep a relationship. Love is not enough, as most people would disagree, but it takes more than being together, kissing and holding hands when you want to stay together. It takes hard work and compromise to grow as a couple to make the relationship stronger and a wall that you can lean on. Below are some easy tips on how to maintain a relationship and blissfully in love all the way! It’s actually pretty simple.

  • Communicate. Talking things over is always a great way to settle issues and solve problems. Never ever launch into a cold war — it’s going to eat the love away each day. Be open and listen to each other’s sentiments. Respect what the other is feeling and always find time to make-up. Keep a cool head during a confrontation and always try to make use of both your head and heart in trying to solve a problem. Forgive and forget. Just feel the love.
  • Give space. Trust is a very vital ingredient when it comes to relationship, and love cannot grow without it. Make some time to miss each other, it’s going to make each meeting more intense and full of love. Let your partner go out with their friends and go out with yours. It’s all about the balance. Grow individually to become stronger as a couple.
  • Express the love. Be generous when it comes to love. Kiss, cuddle, snuggle and hold hands. Tell your sweetheart how much you love them and take some time to be together to do something special. Discover new things everyday and be each other’s number one fan. Your utmost support will always make you not just lovers, but friends and allies for life.

If you want to learn more on how to maintain a relationship plus other tips and tactics to keep your relationship strong and healthy, visit my website and get a chance to access on my free information that has helped couples stay true and in love with each other up until this date