Monthly Archives: May 2018

Tips for Beginning a Long Distance Relationship

Tips for Beginning a Long Distance Relationship

You know that general rule where there is always an exception to a rule? Long distance relationships are no exception to that. These relationships are not for everyone because not a lot of us can stand being apart from the other.

Distance, this is just one of the main reasons why people avoid getting into a relationship. This is probably due to the belief that being separated from the person you love will be the start of a very complicated relationship, which will eventually end up at the end of it. However, is it really the general ending of what could have been the start of a happily ever after? No, it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way. A story could have multiple endings. We are the authors of our fate, we decide what ending we are going to have.

Getting into a long distance relationship is admittedly going to be much more difficult than those regular short distance ones. Obviously, the couple has to deal with the distance and everything that comes along with it like jealousy, paranoia, doubt, fears and etc. Luckily, long distance couples can now get the 411 on what to do when planning to get into a long distance relationship.

Tip #1. Get to know the other person. It’s not going to be a great feeling getting duped by another human being who is definitely just pretending to be someone they’re not. Long distance relationships are not bad things, but jumping in before looking at where you’re leaping is definitely an act of a fool.

Tip #2. Meet face-to-face. These days, meeting face-to-face doesn’t necessarily mean meeting in person. There are a lot of options to choose from in case you just can’t be there physically to do the meet ups. You’ve got Skype and Yahoo! Messenger to name a few.

If you do decide to meet up in person, choose a venue where there are lots of people. Also, choose a place that has proper ventilation where you guys can talk and see each other clearly. Remember, first impressions last and meeting for the first time is going to leave an imprint on a person’s mind.

Tip #3. Get to know their friends and family. If it is possible, it would be great to get to know the people who your special someone hangs around with. This way, you are going to prevent jealousy because by then, you would have already known who is who in their life. And getting to know their family would also give you a preview of what kind of person he or she is.

Tip #4. Know who to trust. You just can’t please everyone, we all know that. Expect that level of displeasure from people to increase greatly when you plan to get into a long distance relationship. As I said earlier, these kinds of relationships aren’t for everyone. There is always going to be those people who would disagree. Naturally, I’d say don’t listen to naysayers, but seeing that there are those people who have some sense in them and actually are concerned about you, take the time to listen to what they have to say. If you think they’re being unreasonable, by all means, don’t listen to them. But if they are just being helpful, think hard.

Good friends are hard to come by. It might be too late to get them back if you thwart them away when they were just there for you in the first place.

Sometimes we think the world of our long distance partners [] that we tend to forget to let our friends talk some sense into us. Sometimes the best long distance relationship advice [] come from those people who actually care. It’s not that they’re no experts in this kind of relationship we no longer have to listen to them, we still have to listen to what they have to say because they don’t want us to lose our heads to our hearts. At times our hearts cloud our minds that we don’t think straight.

Making Long Distance Relationships and Marriages Work

Making Long Distance Relationships and Marriages Work

All you need is love. That is what the films and songs say, but what happens when your love or whole family is living hundreds, or even thousands of miles away in another country.

As the world is getting smaller, thanks mainly to social media and cheaper / more convenient air travel, it seems that more and more of us having long distance relationships before and in marriage. There are millions of people who are involved with long distance relationships, despite the preconceived notion that they just don’t work.

If you are one of the many millions of people who feel lonely right now because the love of your life (and perhaps children) are far away, console yourself with the thought that long distance relationships and marriages can, and do work. Some people have chosen to be in long distance relationships, while others are in the situation due to work commitments or financial reasons. This is prevalent across many know “expat cities” and “expat countries.” It is reported that there are at least 10 million people worldwide that are involved with long distance relationships of some sort. Thought you were the only person facing the challenges a long distance relationship can bring? Think again, I speak to many and below I have outlined some success secrets for you from those I have had the privilege to work with

  1. Share the travelling

Where possible share some of the travelling. Travelling takes up a lot of time and is exhausting for the traveler. Not to mention the cost if you are not married or sharing expenses. I have worked with several married expats who fly over 7 hours for a weekend every 4 or 5 weeks, they are wiped out by the time they get there, so if you have the option to share do so, so that neither of you get fed up.

  1. Plan enjoyable activities you have energy for

Alex was furious because every time he flew home he was greeted with a list of household chores to do, from fixing cars & bikes, painting rooms, putting up shelves, the list was never ending. His wife even promised that he would jobs for her sister and friend. This made him mad. After a hard week at work and the usual tiring air commute (packing, taxi, passport control, flight etc. ) he barely had the energy to watch a film, let alone get stuck into DIY. He felt like his wife no longer cared for, or was interested in him, she just wanted jobs done and his money. This is not uncommon, Nina another lady I worked with told me every time she stayed with her boyfriend she would spend the first 4 hours cleaning, as she couldn’t stand the mess. In both cases intimacy and affection was destroyed, as frustration set the mood for their time together. So think about the traveler and their energy levels when you plan activities. Don’t greet them with a “to do list” or hectic night out the first night they arrive, cook a romantic dinner or order a take out, so you can both relax and unwind, preferably alone.

  1. Ensure you have alone time but don’t isolate

Peter has lived away from his family for many years. Jobs at his level and salary are just not available in the UK. His wife has always refused to join him, arguing she and the children are settled. In the past 10 years, they have only had 1 full year together. Peter came to me to discuss whether his marriage was over or could be saved. I never judge or give my opinion on this matter, but I do help individuals and couples gain clarity on their most important emotional needs and help them establish whether their needs can and will be met by staying. We also review the relationship (highs and lows) to determine actions or discussion points to create positive change. One thing Peter found frustrating was that they never had any alone time. The children 9, 11 and 14 were with them all day and in the evenings his wife Susan went out. She saw his trips back home as an opportunity to put herself first, to see friends and do activities she couldn’t normally do being a full time mum. Peter was hurt she wouldn’t move out to be with him and hurt she went out when he came home, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to argue in the little time they had together. All relationships need some “together alone time” otherwise important needs such as affection and intimacy will not be met.

The reason I mention not to isolate is because some couples do the reverse and lock themselves in together and this can cause problems too. When Yusuf got a new job in Saudi Arabia, he flew home every 2 weeks. As husband and wife they felt that they ought to spend the 48 hours they had only with each other. This caused frustration for them both, as they turned down friends and things they used to enjoy. Boredom became a real issue, as they just stayed in together every weekend. Yusuf called me because he was concerned his frustration and boredom meant he had fallen out of love. After our chat he spoke to his wife and they started doing different activities, since then they have more appreciation for their alone time and their bond has become stronger.

  1. Be as open and honest as possible

Whilst apart keep the relationship alive by being open and honest about everything you are thinking, feeling and doing. Sharing your daily schedule, thoughts, plans builds trust. Trust is key for a long distance relationship. Without it, you may wonder what the other person is doing while you are not there or even doubt there fidelity to you. If you leave out information the quality time that you spend together on the end of a telephone line can quickly end up in mind games, destroying the small amount of time you do get to be close together. You do not have the luxury that “normal” couples have to make up, so making the most of this quality time should be top of your agenda. If the wonders do start creeping up on you, remember that your relationship is built on trust, love and respect.

  1. Agree regular communication

Jealousy can also come without regular communication. We’ve all been there… they don’t phone when they say they will and straight away your mind starts wandering… are they with someone else or can they not be bothered to speak to me, etc.? In order to avoid this, agree that you will phone, message, or email at least once a day. If you want this relationship to work, you need to feel like you are in a “regular” marriage and relationship, one where if you want to offload your troubles/share your news for the day, you know that he/she is there for you. If jealousy is an issue contact me I have a simple 2 session program that helps shift your mindset.

  1. Use a webcam or Skype whenever possible

Whilst this cannot compensate for actually being with someone, it’s a great way to keep in touch whilst you’re apart. The fact that you can see each other and are giving each other undivided attention is important. It is all too easy to be on the phone, whilst engaging in other activities such as watching TV, reading your emails / social media updates, driving, shopping, cooking etc. I have to admit, I am guilty of this one myself as I am always trying to do 3 things at once. But you can tell when someone is not fully listening and their attention is elsewhere. It is hurtful and frustrating for the person talking and can destroy communication. Good communication is the key to strengthen and keep your relationship a light whilst apart.

  1. Turn the away time into a positive

Don’t spend every night you’re not together wishing time away. Make the most of your independence (whilst still having a relationship) by learning a new skill, developing your career or business idea, socializing with friends, going to the gym or simply pampering yourself.

  1. Ensure you have a common goal

This is probably the most important one of all. If you are apart you need to have a reason and common purpose /goal for the future. A plan that you both value and are working together towards. For example you are living apart, so that you can have enough money to; put your children through private school, have a great retirement, get out of debt, look after family, buy your dream home, finish education, develop your career. Without a shared purpose or goal for the future, it is harder to keep the relationship alive.

Concluding thoughts

Like any relationship, long distance relationships before, and in marriage require effort for them to succeed. Communication, trust, and honesty will strengthen your relationship whilst you’re apart. Working towards a common goal and ensuring you have time for just the two of you is also crucial. Love is never easy and should never be taken for granted as enough to make a relationship work. Whilst long distance relationships and marriages can be difficult, they can work and do work for many couples if both parties put in the effort.

I would love for you to share your tips to help more people post them below or send them to me anonymously to me and I will post them.

Hope this is of value to you or someone you know, from my heart to yours

Keeping Your Long Distance Relationship

Keeping Your Long Distance Relationship

A number of people feel that long distance relationships rarely work. However, some oppose this idea and show that it is conceivable to experience a healthy romantic relationship even if thousands of miles separate a couple. If both you and your other half understand what your relationship is all about and are happy to develop it, it will be possible to keep your long distance relationship alive.

Here are some tips to sustain your long distance relationship.

Establish your type of long distance relationship: It is crucial for both of you to establish the level of commitment to your long distance relationship. That way, neither of you is going to be surprised by the other person’s behaviors within your relationship.

Make good use of the telephone: Simply put, talk a lot. When you’re thinking of communicating with your partner on the phone very little should be an issue. This is certainly probably the most beneficial factors for a long distance relationship to grow. Besides the telephone, you can make use of computer software to communicate with your significant other.

Take advantage of additional communication methods: On occasion, people have a lot of duties which will make communicating with a loved one challenging sometimes. With communication in between a long distance couple being essential in order to keep your relationship alive, you can find alternatives to the phone you can use. Make use of e-mail to allow your partner to know they are in your mind even if you are too occupied to make a call. Chat programs such as MSN Messenger or Yahoo! Messenger can also be an excellent option because you can have them in your mobile phone and chat whenever you have time.

Do not be jealous: It is difficult not to feel insecurity when you find yourself involved in an LDR. Even so, you need to fight against those feelings of insecurity, or else it is going to get the best of you and may lead to the end of your relationship. Among the most efficient ways to prevent jealousy would be to communicate to each other how your days and nights go by. Talk about your activities and family and friends, what your ideas are and what have you been doing. Allowing each other into your own everyday life will certainly strengthen your trust in each other and enable you to keep the LDR growing.

Always be really romantic: Both you and your lover should make an added effort to maintain your love alive regardless of not being in each other’s presence at all times. Romantic gestures will certainly remind your loved one just how much he or she really means to you. Nearly every romantic idea you might have works well inside a long distance relationship. There aren’t any little details in terms of maintaining a long distance relationship alive.

Always be understanding: Given the fact that both you and your significant other are in different places, it is perfectly normal to carry on with your life in your respective towns. You don’t have to take it personally when there is a change of plans. It’s good for the two of you to be understanding of the other person.

You might have noticed that every one of these points apply to just about any relationship, but their significance is multiplied in a LDR. It all will depend on your willingness to follow these basic tips to be ready to keep your long distance relationship going strong.

Sex Tips for Long Distance Lovers

Sex Tips for Long Distance Lovers

Some men can’t seem to find love, or even just a lover, in their current location. Frustratingly, they may find a potential partner who happens to be halfway around the world, or otherwise distant. Whether wanting a committed relationship or not, long-distance would-be sexual partners can engage in some pretty hot action together that defies the limits of space and allows for a surprising level of intimacy. When pursuing sexy conversation with someone far away, there are several things to keep in mind, including whether visual materials will be exchanged (in which case proper penis care is all-important) and where one’s boundaries lie. The following long-distance sex tips will help men navigate this exciting world.

1) Discuss Options

When pursuing something sexual with somebody far away, you have many options, from different kinds of sexy talk to the transmission of photos and videos.

Some partners will enjoy talking about what they’d like to do to one another, either in the moment or in the future, and be content to stop there. They can build a “sex story” together; one can say what he or she wants, and the other can add in what he or she wants. This exchange can last for quite some time, and the individuals involved learn a lot about what the other likes.

Some partners want to see one another and show themselves in a variety of poses and states of undress. If this is so, it’s a good idea to ask the other what he or she would like to see.

2) Establish Boundaries

There are some types of dirty talk that some people are not comfortable with. Some people like to be called derogatory names, for example, while others don’t like that at all. Some people like to be dominated; some like to be dominant. Establish boundaries around the level of dirty talk to be engaged in.

It’s also important to establish physical boundaries, even though the two partners are not actually doing things physically to one another. First, consider that it’s possible that there will be an actual encounter in person sometime. But even aside from that, it can be uncomfortable or frightening to read about something being done to one’s body that one wouldn’t like, not to mention unsexy. It’s a good idea to define one’s boundaries, then, noting anything he or she doesn’t like, such as rough stuff, biting, name-calling, etc.

Also establish boundaries for any visual materials that may be exchanged. Don’t just fire off a dick pic or an intense masturbation video without knowing that one’s partner wants to see such a thing.

3) Temper Expectations

Sometimes, partners whose interactions have been solely or primarily online or via text may find the opportunity to be together in person. This is very exciting, but it’s important not to expect every single thing the two talked about doing at once. The two may have discussed myriad activities in the stories they developed, but one can’t expect to have 12 orgasms and the assumption of 15 of their favorite positions all in one night. If that happens – great! But both should enter the encounter with the expressed acknowledgement that there is no pressure to “live up” to the ideal stories they told.

4) Be Smart

When sending sexual photos or videos of oneself over the computer, phone or other device, it’s wise to keep one’s face out of it. Even if you trust the recipient of your precious visual gift, it’s still possible that somebody else could access a device, hack an email address, etc. and be indiscreet with the material. One can only truly protect oneself by keeping his or her face out of it.

Love Letter Tips For Long Distance Relationships

Love Letter Tips For Long Distance Relationships

People enter in long distance relationships for a variety of reasons, but the three main reasons are because of work, school, or military deployment. We all can agree that no matter the reason, long distance relationships are difficult and without proper communication between you and your partner it will be even more so.

When you write your love letter, as explained in Part I, you should include lots of detail. This requires a dictionary, or you can type words you know and view the synonym in Microsoft Word. Using words that you would not normally use makes the letter more magical and meaningful to your partner. Instead of saying “I feel so good around you,” try: “When I am in your presence my senses are overwhelmed with pleasure.”

These techniques only require a little imagination and a dictionary. I guarantee that if you transform your normal vocabulary into something heart-felt you will touch the heart of your partner.
I am including some examples of love letters that I have written below to give you some ideas of what you could write:

Today, like every day, I woke up thinking about you and our love – then I looked at our picture and felt the happiness these things bring.

I know I don’t tell you enough, but you’re absolutely wonderful. I really wish I could find a word that best describes you – but I can’t. You’re just amazing. I love you for being the crazy beautiful person that you are.

I sit here just thinking of you, me, us – and the wonderful times we have ahead of us. We give each other the strength, courage, and endurance to face any challenge through the wonderful bond of love we share.

These are a few examples of what you can write to make the eyes of your loved one light up and truly feel the love you have for them in a letter. Words are powerful things, and you can use them to your advantage. I urge you to write your love letters physically and not in an e-mail.

Being able to touch the letter that you yourself have written is something your partner will enjoy. I keep a box of the letters that I have received from my partner and when I am feeling lonely I take them out and read them. It’s an amazing feeling to know that your partner is feeling the same way, because you feel so connected even 5000 miles away.

If you start having “writers block” as soon as you grab a pen and paper, just relax. Instead of having the intent to write a letter, just sit down and look at some photos or videos of you and your partner. Write down single words, feelings, funny things you remember saying or doing and start from there. This will get your creative juices flowing, and it will be much easier to write your love letter from there.